One of the questions on the growth mindset quiz that we use to help our clients (and ourselves) assess our growth mindset is this:

“I appreciate when instructors and coaches give me feedback about my performance.”

You know how you’re supposed to answer that question, right? Of course, you do. You know that you’re supposed to say that you appreciate the feedback you get from instructors and coaches. But think about the last time your boss, your teacher or a coach said to you, “well that’s a good start, but here are some things to work on.” Maybe you weren’t overjoyed. Maybe you felt some resentment. If you did, it’s a normal human reaction.

Most of us, at least at one level, would rather hear, “that presentation is outstanding,” or, “what an incredible idea you came up with,” or, “that’s really exceptional work.”

It’s great to hear that kind of feedback. It makes us feel good. But what if that presentation wasn’t really outstanding? What if that idea wasn’t really incredible. What if the work wasn’t really exceptional? What if there was room for improvement?

Feedback is an essential part of learning and improvement. We can’t get better at what we do without feedback. A growth mindset is about learning and growing and recognizing that feedback is essential. But not all feedback is created equal. So here are some things we have learned about feedback (both giving and receiving) that we can recommend.

First, consider who is providing the feedback. We should always want feedback from people we respect and who are accomplished and knowledgeable about whatever the subject is. When we get feedback from an expert, it opens our eyes to things we were not in a position to see for ourselves. We want to understand that feedback since our ultimate goal is to be so good at that thing that we could provide ourselves with the same feedback that the expert gives us. On the other hand, when we get feedback from someone whose knowledge and experience are limited, we appreciate the time they took and we should consider their perspective (after all, even with our greater experience, we could have missed something). But it doesn’t go to the top of our list of priorities.

When giving feedback, consider your relationship to the person you are providing feedback to. If you are their principal, their coach or their boss, feedback is built into the role. If the relationship is something else, though, think carefully about how you phrase the feedback, at least if you want it to be taken seriously.

Know what the intention is. The sole purpose of feedback from an expert (instructor, coach, etc.) should be learning. If the feedback is meant to undermine confidence, to make someone look bad in front of others, or to self-aggrandize, it’s not feedback. It’s unfair, it’s venom or it’s narcissistic. It can be hard to discern the intention of someone’s feedback when we’re young, but we can get better at it with experience. But even if you doubt the genuine intention of feedback, recognize that someone did take the time to provide it, and that the quality of being open to feedback is highly prized.

When providing feedback, examine your own intentions. If you wouldn’t provide the feedback anonymously and in private to the person – that is, completely without another agenda than helping them learn and improve – don’t do it. Pure and simple, leave it alone.

Examine the clarity, specificity and utility of the feedback. We recently received some feedback on a document that said, “this is grammatically and structurally incorrect.” Good feedback is actionable. And actionable feedback has to be specific. We are generally considered to have a strong command of English grammar. But even if we didn’t, and perhaps especially if we didn’t, telling us that something we created is grammatically incorrect is not clear, it’s not specific, and therefore, not actionable. Based on every principle and rule of grammar with which we are acquainted, the document looked fine to us. Please, oh, please, if you think there is a grammar error, point it out to us and be specific. We will be very grateful.

Providing specific, useful and actionable feedback is not always easy, but it is a vital skill to develop. Whether you are the superintendent providing constructive advice for district operations, or the principal helping your staff understand your priorities for the coming year, or the teacher providing valuable feedback on your students’ papers, approach feedback from the perspective of learning and with a growth mindset; the paradigm is that both the learner and the provider of feedback can learn to do their jobs better.

About the authors

Betsy Hill is President of BrainWare Learning Company, a company that builds learning capacity through the practical application of neuroscience, helping parents unlock their child’s learning potential. She is an experienced educator and has studied the connection between neuroscience and education with Dr. Patricia Wolfe (author of Brain Matters) and other experts. She is a former chair of the board of trustees at Chicago State University and teaches strategic thinking in the MBA program at Lake Forest Graduate School of Management where she received a Contribution to Learning Excellence Award. She received a Nepris Trailblazer Award for sharing her knowledge, skills and passion for the neuroscience of learning in classrooms around the country. She holds a Master of Arts in Teaching and an MBA from Northwestern University. Betsy is co-author of the new book, “Your Child Learns Differently, Now What?”

Roger Stark is Co-founder and CEO of the BrainWare Learning Company. Over the past decade, he championed efforts to bring the science of learning, comprehensive cognitive literacy skills training and cognitive assessment, within reach of every person, and it all started with one very basic question: What do we know about the brain? From that initial question, Roger Stark pioneered the effort to build an effective and affordable cognitive literacy skills training tool, based on over 50 years of trial and error through clinical collaboration. He also led the team that developed BrainWare SAFARI, which has become the most researched comprehensive, integrated cognitive literacy training tool delivered online anywhere in the world. For more, follow BrainWare Learning on Twitter @BrainWareSafari. Roger is co-author of the new book, “Your Child Learns Differently, Now What?”